Ngokuqinisekileyo ngamanye amaxesha ebomini bakho ubufuna ukuba kunye nomntu kwaye ulale naye kwaye uvakalelo luye lwaba yinto efanayo. Nangona kunjalo, ngenxa yeemeko zangaphandle okanye ukuba neqabane okanye abahlobo abanezinye iinjongo, khange ukwazi ukuzalisekisa umnqweno wakho okanye omnye umntu. Yiyo le ibizwa njalo uxinzelelo lwesini olungasonjululwanga. Imalunga nomnqweno wabantu bobabini ngomnye kwaye ayikaze yenzeke.
Kweli nqaku siza kuchaza kakuhle ukuba yintoni le ingxabano ingasombululekiyo kwaye kuyacetyiswa ukuba uyisombulule okanye hayi. Ngaba uyafuna ukwazi ngakumbi ngayo? Qhubeka ufunda.
Yintoni ingxaki yezesondo engasonjululwanga
Inyani yokuziva unqwenela omnye umntu ayikwenzi ube noxinzelelo ngokwesondo. Nabani na onokunqwenela ukuzibona esembhedeni nomnye umntu abafumana benomdla okanye abatsala umdla kuye. Nangona kunjalo, Ukuxhatshazwa ngokwesondo kwenzeka xa uvakalelo lwenzeka kubo bobabini abantu. Kule meko, sithetha ngobukho benkanuko yesini komnye umntu kwaye, ngenxa yeemeko ezingekho kulawulo lomntu ngamnye, azinakusonjululwa.
Xa sizifumana sikwezi meko, kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukuba kubekho amawakawaka amathandabuzo malunga nento emasiyenze. Ukuba nomnye umntu ofuna ukulala nawe kodwa nawe ungabinangxaki kwaye, ngamanye amaxesha kuyacaphukisa. Koda kube nini ufuna ukulala nam? Ngomnye wemibuzo esizibuza yona xa sisoyika ukulahlekelwa ngumtsalane komnye umntu.
Omnye umbuzo ophakamayo kwaye, mhlawumbi, ngaphezulu kwesinye uye waphosa umva xa usenza isigqibo, kuthekani ukuba ndophula umlingo walo mtsalane ngokusombulula ukungavisisani ngokwesondo? Kwaye mhlawumbi ngulo mntu sinomdla kuye isenokungabi yile nto besiyilindele. Ngamaxesha amaninzi, intelekelelo inokudlala ubuqili. Yilapho siqala ukucinga malunga nazo zonke izikhundla esinokuzenza kunye nomnye umntu embhedeni kunye nokuba ulwalamano oluhle luya kwenza njani nawe. Nangona kunjalo, unokuphoxeka xa i-Push isiza kutyhala.
Ungayichonga njani imiba yezesondo engasonjululwanga
Phambi kokwazi ukuba sinayo nyani ingxaki yezesondo engasonjululwanga (TSNR), kufuneka sazi kakuhle ukuba singazibamba njani iimpawu zomntu asinika zona. Siyakhumbula ukuba le ngxabano ayinakusonjululwa nangasiphi na isizathu. Oko kukuthi, olu hlobo lwexinzelelo luhlala lusenzeka kubantu abaneqabane okanye abahlobo kunye nabo basebenza nabo. Nokuba uneqabane, akunakuphepheka ukujonga abanye abantu ukuba ucinge ukuba kunjani ukulala nabo. Oku akukwenzi ukuba ube nokuxhatshazwa ngokwesondo kunye nawo wonke umntu, kodwa kufuneka ube yinto ephindayo.
Ukuze ukwazi ukuchonga le nyani, kufuneka uyazi kakuhle indlela yokufaka imiqondiso. Into yokuqala kukuba, xa sibona omnye umntu, sive ukurhawuzelela esiswini. Yimvakalelo efanayo nale unayo xa uthandana. Esi sizathu sokuba abantu abaninzi baphambanise iimvakalelo kwaye bagqibela ngokuziqhekeza kwaye baphele kunye neqabane labo. Nje ukuba awufezekise loo mnqweno wesini, ugqibela ngokuzisola kuba wayengathandani, kodwa wayene TSNR.
Kuqhelekile ukuba ukuphefumla kwethu kukhawuleze xa sinaye omnye umntu kwaye sibe bomvu xa sithetha nabo. Kuqhelekile, engqondweni yakho zonke iintlobo zokucinga okungamanyala ziqhubeka malunga nento onokuyenza kuye ebhedini. Kodwa kunokwenzeka ukuba le nto ucinga ukuba ayinakuze yenzeke.
Ukufumanisa ukuba omnye umntu unemvakalelo efanayo neyakho, imiqondiso kufuneka ihlalutywe kwinqanaba lokuziphatha. Umzekelo, unokuba novalo xa nikunye okanye niziphethe ngokungazibandakanyi njengokujonga kude komnye nomnye, ukuchukumisa iinwele zakho xa nisondele okanye ukwenza amabinzana aneenjongo eziphindiweyo.
Yintoni eyenza i-TSNR ibekhona?
Asiyi kubona nje kuphela ukuba yintoni eyenza ukuba le ngxwabangxwaba yesondo ivele, kodwa siza kubona ukuba yintoni eyenzayo ukuze igcinwe. Okokuqala ngumnqweno. Xa sinomnqweno womntu, kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukufuna ukulala naye. Nangona kunjalo, siphinda sigxininise ukuba baninzi abantu abagqibe kakubi namaqabane abo becinga ukuba oko baziva ngaloo mntu uthando kwaye bengakunqweneli. Izinto kufuneka zibize kakhulu.
Ukwaphula "umthetho." Ukuba ngabantu ababi ngamanye amaxesha kunomdla kakhulu. Kuphosakele ukungcatsha ukuthembana kweqabane lakho kwaye ulilimaze, kodwa eso senzo "semvukelo" sokufuna ukwazi ukuba unjani umntu lowo ebhedini isikhokelela ekubeni sizame kwaye senze iimpazamo.
Ngokufumana ingxelo evela komnye umntu, sifuna ukuqhubeka nokukhulisa loo nto yokwazi ukuba kukho umntu osifunayo. Emva kwesikhuthazo, "ukubhanxa ngeenxa zonke," amabinzana aneenjongo ezibini, kunye nokhuthazo lwengqondo oluqhubekayo, uxinzelelo lwesini olungasonjululwanga luyaqhubeka ukondla ixesha elide.
Njengomdla onomdla, singatsho ukuba indawo apho kukho eyona TSNR isemsebenzini. Oku kungenxa yenyani yokuba abantu kufuneka babonakalise ubuso obunobuzaza noxanduva emsebenzini wabo kwaye kwizihlandlo ezininzi benesinxibo esifanayo nayo yonke into. Le nyaniso ibenza ukuba bafune ukwaphula umthetho kwaye batsibe yonke imiqobo "yokubonisa" ukuba anganjani umntu ngaphandle komsebenzi wabo. Oko kukuthi, imeko eyiyo.
Ngaba ingxabano yezesondo engasonjululwanga kufuneka isonjululwe?
Ungazibuza lo mbuzo kaninzi. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba le TSRN yenzeka kungenxa yokuba kukho izizathu ezithile zokuba kutheni ingenakusonjululwa. Ukuba esi sizathu kungenxa yokuba uneqabane, cinga kabini ngaphambili kwaye uzibeke endaweni yeqabane lakho. Cinga ukuba ngulo ukwenzayo kuwe. Ungayithanda? Ungayinyamezela? Kubalulekile ukuyicoca ingqondo yakho, kwaye oku, kungcono ukuba uphulula amalungu esini ngokucinga ngalo mntu ukutsala kangaka. Vumela ukucinga kwakho kubhabhe kwaye uyigqibe loo TSNR engqondweni yakho. Ngale ndlela awuyi kwenzakalisa nabani na.
Ngokwenza oku, awuyi kuphula ulindelo onalo kuloo mntu. Njengoko besesitshilo ngaphambili, kunokwenzeka ukuba, xa kutyhalwa kuza kutyholwa, loo mntu uyakukuphoxisa ebhedini kwaye umlingo uyophuka. Ngokuqinisekileyo kwingcinga yakho uya kufumana okuninzi kwimeko.
Ukuba kwelinye icala ufuna ukuthatha umngcipheko wokuyisombulula Kuya kufuneka ucinge malunga nokuba uyayichaphazela na imisebenzi, ubudlelwane bakho okanye ubudlelwane bakho uqobo.
Ndiyathemba ukuba ngezi ngcebiso ungayibona i-TSNR yakho kwaye ukhethe kakuhle into oza kuyenza.